Welcome to Mellow Johnny's

As reported in the Austin American Stateman last month, Our Boy Lance Armstrong is set to unveil a new bike shop in May, Mellow Johnny's; a Lance-ism in reference to the famed Maillot Jaune of the Tour de France.

Hey, wasn't opening up a bike shop Mike Anderson's idea?

In any regard, Armstrong hopes that the "bike shop, commuting center, training facility and cafe in a 1950s-era building at the northwest corner of Fourth and Nueces streets" in Austin, TX will help to transform the cycling community.

Armstrong said he'd like to see Austin evolve into a place like Portland, Ore., where biking is part of the culture and people pedal to work, to restaurants and to run errands. "Walk outside, and the streets are lined with bikes — because they have a safe place to ride," Armstrong said of the city long known for its bicycle-friendly amenities and policies.

What can the good people of Austin expect? Knowing LA's penchant for perfection, probably nothing less than "the coolest bike shop in the world."

Our Boy Lance (OBL): Welcome to Mellow Johnny's. What can we help you with?

Average Joe Cyclist (AJC): Ah, dude…you're Lance Armstrong!

OBL: Yup, last time I looked in the mirror I was.

AJC: What the…I thought some other dude was managing the store? What are you doing here?

OBL: Just stopped by to visit the store and see how things were going. The boys just headed out on a ride. So what can I help you with?

AJC: Well, I was just going to check out the shop and look for a new ride. I'll just cruise around if you've got things to do.

OBL: Nope, let me show you around and we can try to set you up with something.

AJC: [looking around] Cool, dude!

OBL: So whattya think of the shop?

AJC: There's an awful lot of black and yellow in here.

OBL: Signature colors.

AJC: Oh yeah right.

OBL: So let's set you up with a ride. They're over here.

So this is Trek's new top of the line Madone 6.9 Pro. It's got an integrated seat mast and a sloping top tube like the rest of the '08 line, but I never really cared for that type of geometry...[leaning in] for sissies if you ask me [laughs]. So I've made sure we carry the older line of Madones as well.

AJC: Is the Madone line the only one that you carry?

OBL: Nope. We've also got the Equinox line. This tricked out baby is the TTX 9.9 SSL. It's got a race proven geometry that helped me win many a time trial and 7 Tours.

AJC: Ah, ok. What else ya got in here?

OBL: Glad you asked, cause we carry the absolute shit in here…Shimano, Oakley Sunglasses, Giro Helmets, HED wheel sets, Nike clothing, Deda handlebars…you know the ones with the shallow drops…the absolute shit!

AJC: Well thanks LA. You hit me with quite a lot, maybe I should sleep on it.

OBL: Nonsense! Let's just head over here to the fitting area. Grab one of those Shiner Bocks out of that bucket by the cafe while you're at it and we'll talk about which Madone you want.

Plus if you act now, we'll throw in a pass to the local 24 Hour Fitness, a free coaching evaluation from Carmichael Training System, a couple of free samples of FRS, and here's the cherry on top…wait for it…some Nike three quarter length black cycling socks.

Hhhmm, hhhmmm?

AJC: Doesn't Trek also make Lemond bicycles? Got any of those around?

OBL: Out.

AJC: Huh?

OBL: OUT! I thought you were serious about bikes, now you're just wasting my time.